© Chuck Duboff
It was a tough week. It was a really tough week. The monster arrived, uninvited and grabbed hold with a grip i had never experienced before. I have a sense of where it came from this time…I really think David Bowie and Glenn Frey passing away within a week of each other attacked my subconscious and fuelled the arrival of the monster. Additionally, all last week I was worrying about two very close friends who were dealing with health and family situations. Two friends who have always been my rocks, my supports…who have helped through my most difficult of times. Then, to add further fuel to the fire, the Bell Let’s Talk Day also took place. A day for the discussion of mental health issues…I get actively involved on that day, and as much as i believe it gives me strength, I’m sure there is a subconscious part of me which is so pissed off having to deal with such a debilitating disease.
When the monster takes over, rational thinking goes out the window; reality is skewed and the monster’s voice is all that seems to make sense. It is during this time when you find out who really understands, who really cares. I am completely aware of the irrational thinking and speaking, yet it is impossible, yes, impossible to stop that voice which is tormenting you. I am truly blessed to have so many friends who care and stick by me; I really think without the checking up, the “are you ok?”, the “what can I do?”, the monster would hold on for a longer period of time. Knowing there are those out there who are concerned for my well being makes a huge difference; at the same time, receiving brutal messages of criticism, acts of punishment for being in that state, just feeds the beast.
I am proud that I can sit here and write this and express my gratitude for so many people who care and go out of their way to make sure I am safe and ok. For your friendship, I am truly blessed. Thank you…
A confluence of David Bowie, Glenn Frey, 2 special friends and Bell Lets Talk Day…all conspired at a subconscious level to allow the monster to take control of my life; yet, it was the love of so many great friends which allows me to write this today…and to look forward to a great two weeks in the hot sun of Puerto Vallarta