In Her Own Words: Bonnie Sagriff shares the heartbreaking story of her still born son, Callum.

Chuck Duboff Bonnie is a former student of mine.  We have maintained a wonderful friendship and regularly share stories about our lives journeys.  Yesterday, Bonnie posted the following story on Facebook; as I read it, I was so over come by emotion.  I messaged Bonnie and asked if it would be alright if I posted this on today’s blog.  She was “honoured” to share Callum’s story with everyone.  I know that those who read this will send their love and prayers to Callum and Bonnie.

 

stillborn© Bonnie Sagriff

This time 6 years ago, I took myself to the hospital as I was labouring and worried it was too early to have the baby and wanted to be checked out. I got to the hospital and laid on that triage bed for what seemed like an eternity. Nurses came in to get the heart beat with no luck. Only to try again and again and again. Laying on one side, drinking juice you name it. I was advised to call rich and in that moment I knew, yet didn’t want to accept it. As I lay on the hospital bed alone, cold and worried I waited for rich to get there with each agonizing minute ticking by, my heart rate and blood pressure increased. Every nurse and doctor stalling biding time till I had him by my side. I relive these moments every year. I remember vividly rich walking into the triage room with a sense of panic on his face. Scared for me, scared for us. Shortly after he got there the doctor came in with the ultrasound machine and it was confirmed. The words no expecting parents want to hear. ” I’m so sorry Bonnie but there is no heart beat, your baby has passed” this was supposed to be a day of celebration for my nieces first birthday and yet it was a day and will forever be a day of mourning for me. We were brought to a room where they put a picture of a white rose on the door to symbolize we were parents of a soon to be stillborn baby. Way in the back of the labor and deliver floor. I could hear all the screams of other labouring mothers and cries of babies fresh from their mothers wombs. Each scream and each cry was like a knife in my back, a slap in the face. I laboured quietly trying to hold off the inevitable. I thought if I could just keep the baby inside just a little longer I wouldn’t have to feel the pain of losing a child or have my child born today. I just couldn’t have that happen it needed to be another day not on my beautiful nieces birthday. I bared through each agonizing contraction until
It was time to have my sweet baby. “It’s time” was quietly and peacefully uttered. I screamed “NO” I didn’t want to do this I shouldn’t have to do this. With the love and support of our family Callum was born into the world where he would know no hate, only love. Placed on my chest over my breast where my heart beat could be heard across the room. I immediately fell in love with this beautiful baby boy. He was gone to be with the lord while I lay there taking in every single detail of his little tiny body. His hair so thick and dark a little button nose and 10 fingers and toes. He was perfect. TOO perfect! My son, my angel my everything taken too soon! I will always love and honour my sweet angel!

Tomorrow he would be 6 years old at 01:10. Love you my baby! To the moon and back!!

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2 thoughts on “In Her Own Words: Bonnie Sagriff shares the heartbreaking story of her still born son, Callum.

  1. Bonnie, thanks for your bravery and your courage!

    My wife and I had a still-born baby delivered once as well – not just a miscarriage – but it wasn’t as far along as yours, it seems.

    It is heartbreaking. Again, I admire your bravery – both in that moment, as well as now, remembering and sharing this.

    Geoff

    Like

  2. Thank you so much Bonnie for sharing such a sad event in your life. Cannot imagine the feeling you and your partner were going through that day, especially you.I echo the sentiments of an earlier writer of “the bravery and courage you have shown, when you first got to hold Callum and now, to be able to share your story.

    Like

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